san diego, non-discriminatory discrimination, and the woman at the convenience store...

pent the weekend in san diego...beautiful city. it was nice to see the ocean again...although now that i am back i am not sure that it did any good in the long run. didn't get to take in as much "culture" as i would have liked, but time spent sitting on the rocks wishing the water could just rise and swallow you up as you listen the waves coming in on windy day is good for the soul. the mountains have some company.

the vatican finally published its paper/finding/ruling/whatever-they-call-it on gays in the priesthood. the good ol' catholic church is up to it's amusing shenanigans again. apparently the church thinks gays should be treated with respect and not discriminated against...and then goes on to call homosexuals "objectively disordered"...and it gets better..."the church, while profoundly respecting the persons in question, cannot admit to the seminary or to holy orders those who practice homosexuality, present deep-seated homosexual tendencies or support the so-called 'gay culture'"...here we go again. in case you ever forgot you live in a world full of hatred and bigotry...just look to the church to set you straight.

speaking of how wonderful bigotry can be...i had just finished enjoying my first morning at the ocean, walking around on high cliffs...watching people enjoy the water, having some peaceful alone moments, observing seals...and while walking back to the car some asshole passes a foreigner sounding kid talking on the phone, and when his girl asks him to slow down his response was basically "you want to sit around and listen to that terrorist?" nice and loud too...just to advertise so that everyone knows he was an asshole. fantastic. sometimes i love this country so much it hurts.

but i had a moment this morning that reminded me of how good some people can be. the woman at 7-11 this morning made me feel better than i have in awhile (although briefly). she smiled...asked questions...was incredibly pleasant...the kind of thing that you never get anymore. i should take her some flowers.

if you knew that you would die today, saw the face of god and love...would you change?

why is the answer always more time?

in yet another indication that there really is not much difference between republicans and democrats bill richardson is flexing his muscles to prove he is tough on crime. this latest effort comes amidst years of local news networks promoting the idea that albuquerque is a haven for rampant sex crimes, complete with camera crews going to the registered offenders addresses (and i thought these people had paid their debt to society...guess i was wrong). well, big bill wants to make sure that there are less sex offenders on the street...so he has proposed a bill that will put a few sex crimes in a category with murder as eligible for life without parole. sure they are nasty crimes to be included, such as aggravated criminal sexual penetration of a minor under the age of 9, but haven't we already proven that this is a dangerous proposition?

for one thing, sex crimes against children are a mess. kids tell stories, they will tell adults what they think the adults want them to say, they are bright enough to figure out that they are supposed to say X did Y to me. just as dna evidence is proving with capital murder convictions, there are undoubtedly plenty of false convictions when the majority of evidence comes from the mouth of a small child and quack doctors such as a certain someone at a certain university run children's sex abuse clinic in a certain southwestern state providing hearsay (sometimes double and triple) because they are convinced they can tell on sight if a child has been abused/raped.

and whatever happened to evolving standards when it comes to the constitutional prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment? we act as though only torture and death can qualify...as if life without parole is an existence that cannot qualify as cruel and unusual.
haven't we realized that simply putting more criminals behind bars for longer periods of time does not solve crime. if it did, this country would have the lowest crime rates of any industrialized nation...well we don't. as our sentences get longer, our jails get more crowded, less money goes towards addressing the issues that lead to criminal acts, and our crime rate remains too high. i realize that sex crimes may be in a different category, but the vast majority of crime is a result of poverty...hopeless poverty...a condition that is all too common in this country. and instead of addressing this, instead of using some of the wasted billions spent on incarceration to build up inner city and rural schools, to provide jobs and opportunity for the poor of this country, we simply put them in lockdown on the outskirts of town. god forbid the government require that you be paid enough to live on, instead, you should plan on getting 25 to life for being involved in drugs (unless of course you are dealing in "designer" drugs that most likely will be used by wealthier clientelle, probably more likely to be white as well - another example of how beautifully our incarceration scheme puts an end to crime). it is just backwards.

tougher penalties do not prevent crime, they do not deter crime...they never have, they never will. but i understand bill, you want to be big on the national stage so you need to be "tough on crime."

we set out to change the world and ended up only changing ourselves - what's wrong with that? - nothing...if you don't look at the world.

bringing the white man a long way and insuring kids...

Vine Deloria Jr. passed away last weekend. For those of you white midwestern folks out there (like me...and i admit i had no idea who he was, but want to get a hold of some of his work now)...he was a Souix author, a voice of red power...and apparently, quite a witty and amusing guy. compliments of clarence page (one of my personal favorites) here are some quotes from Deloria...

referring to the battle that pimp slapped gen. custer for his arrogance..."a sensitivity training session."

"When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian said simply, `Ours.'"

"We have brought the white man a long way in 500 years. From a childish search for mythical cities of gold and fountains of youth to the simple recognition that lands are essential for human existence."

yesterday the governor of my home state (good ol' illinois) signed a bill that will give affordable health care to uninsured children. all children will be included, no matter how much their parents make (after a certain cut off of earnings it gets pretty expensive to use the state program). seeing that the governor (i am not even going to try and spell his last name) has been marred by federal investigations into his office (afterall, it is illinois, and what would illinois politics be without big-time corruption) plenty of critics are claiming it is an attempt to divert attention from his troubles in case he decides to run for office again next year. does that really matter? if something good comes out of the investigation, especially something like giving health care to kids that wouldn't otherwise have it, do we really care if the motive behind it really is such an attempt? just like when governor ryan put a moratorium on the death penalty on his way out the door with the fbi closing in...i'll take it any way i can get it. and if it takes the fbi investigating politicians to get them to do the right thing...then lets throw some more money at the fbi.

i am going to san diego in a week...to stand on the edge of the ocean and marvel at the sea. it will be very, very hard to come back. although mid to late ski season promises to be good this year. still...this town, this state, this region...take me away.

whatever is in store for me, it's not for you...

shame on you senator...

shortly after voting to finally condemn torture by american operatives, soldiers and anyone else acting on behest of the american government the senate has reversed course in one of the more shocking (to me anyhow) moves in awhile. by a slim majority the senate approved an amendment to a spending bill which will take away the right of prisoners at gitmo to challenge their detention through writ of habeus corpus.

as good old senator graham put it "It is not fair to our troops fighting in the war on terror to be sued in every court in the land by our enemies based on every possible complaint." god forbid the united states of america, the land of the free lest we forget, allow people deprived of their most sacred rights of liberty and the pursuit of happiness (not to mention property and possibly life) to ask their captures to simply justify their captivity to an impartial member of the judiciary. i propose it is not fair for our troops fighting terror to be risking their lives for yet another stain on this country, and yet another step from the ideals we claim to hold so dear.

49 senators voted for this provision...shame on them.

it's a long way down...

student loans, obama, and the french...

whether or not it is an attempt to save money lost on tax cuts that made no sense whatsoever, the government is cutting back on the availability of student loans and grants and all the fun stuff that makes it possible (sometimes) for people to attend college. it is already too difficult for too many to get the funds for schooling (as many of you know, student loans just don't cover the cost of school and living anymore) and this will most likely mean many more poor students give up on the dream of post-secondary schooling. i will never understand why we have such a problem adequately funding education in this country...we'll throw billions down the drain on projects that will likely never pan out the way we hope, but we won't give folks the money they need to learn. (sigh)

speaking of student loans, i will now complain as a token privileged kid about repaying student loans (as if i can complain, a middle class kid with a law degree from a state university). still, even in a field like law, too many people that want to do good, that want to work for the benefit of those that need it most find they cannot when their schooling is done...you just can't live and pay your loans back on a public interest lawyer's salary. in fields like indigent criminal defense, health care for low income families...where you would think american values would dictate we have some of the best and the brightest...through mounting student debts and salaries too far below the private sector we ensure that even if those talented few give their services they won't stay long. kind of my same gripe with teaching i suppose.

obama was on the daily show the other night...that man is just brimming with charisma and charm...it's almost like if bill clinton hadn't been such a douchbag. let's hope washington doesn't grind him down...

the french are still at it. clarence page wrote an interesting article today about racial problems in western europe. it's one of those things that can remind you the potential that this country has...if only we could fully recognize it.

i still love love to watch you sleep...

if you just say we can, we swear we won't...

big surprise here...the CIA has secret detention centers around the world (namely eastern europe) where it is holding terror suspects. who would have thunk it? herein we find the catch 22 activists find themselves in when focusing on gitmo...the bulk of it already was underground, and changing gitmo will only force more of it to be more hidden. but what else can you do? maybe something more would be done if the media investigated more...

while news of the secret prisons hit the stand the "conservative" folks in the white house were doing their best to thwart an attempt spearheaded by mccain (he must really be starting to irk them) to attach a condemnation of torture to military spending. the never-will-die vice president insists the cia needs an exception to that rule...and his how-did-get-past-30 boss is throwing his support behind him. but there's a problem, at the same time bush is adament that the united states doesn't use torture. and maybe he believes it...afterall, torture is a loaded word with no clear definition...and if one doesn't consider what goes on in our own prison systems torture, then i suppose it isn't a big leap to think further abuses aren't either.

so the credibility of the united states and it's highest office corrodes even further (its as if every administration after nixon is trying to top him...some, i would argue, successfully). it makes me wonder if anybody is buying this "we need to be aggressive, so tell us we can...but we promise we won't." suppose that is the dilemna that globalization has placed us in...we just don't know how to deal with things...and it seems like everything we tried has become a disaster.
which brings me to another point...american students don't learn history...actually learn it, not just memorize dates and stories that state legislatures have trimmed to take out all the things people should know in order to avoid mistakes and horrors from being repeated.

finally...france is burning...and perhaps rightfully so. it seems racism and bigotry aren't just an american past time. i know i like to give france crap...mostly for their complicity in the holocaust and their continued religious and racial bigotry over the years...but somehow this makes me feel more in tune with them...like their leaders are almost american...and these kids could be from any american city and the story wouldn't seem out of place.

i loved you more than i will now recall at all...

it had to end sometime...

there was no way i could keep it up for that long...although for a week i almost felt normal again. unfortunately i let myself think and feel again. suppose i set myself up for this...suppose i continue to set myself up for this...perhaps i am just waiting for the one that breaks me...and i wonder how close it is...

i talked to an old friend of mine today...that is what set it off. got to thinking about the things i have done wrong...the hurt i caused...the wrongs done to me...the hurt i felt. it has left me wondering just how close i have been with anyone, or am with anyone now. so to everyone out there that understands why...i'm sorry.

i got no reason, but that i must...maybe it feels like i've been gathering dust. i must leave this harbor for the sea, i'm too young to settle down and make a home...but i don't know where i'm wanting to be...i just know i have to be there alone. stole my time...all my time...spend my time...for you.

pale winter sun is beating the ground, why am i throwing away the best thing that i found? now my young hearts in tatters and i'm sure that it will be a long time healing...it's so hard to see what i'm doing this for when lonliness is all that i'm feeling. stole my time...all my time...spend my time...for you.

now the wind it is blowing, blowing leaves from the trees. i got no use knowing that with time it will ease. i don't know where i'm going, hope i get there soon, cause my soul is hollow as the sorrowful moon.

do thanksgiving right this year...

i am sure there are many out there wondering how they will celebrate the upcoming day of giving thanks quickly approaching...and i have a suggestion...

forget about the usual getting together with family and acting like your typical american glutton and instead celebrate just like the pilgrims of old. if you are going to do it right you may need to start early (for reasons discussed below) so i suggest getting a jumpstart this weekend...the first step will be difficult if too many people decide to participate...which is one reason you may need to start early...although i suppose you can always share.

first thing to do...find yourself a friendly indian (as in descendant of those peoples that originally populated this continent tens of thousands of years ago) and move into their home. if you want to get really real with this part, try taking over their bedroom and most comfortable furniture while you are at it. over the next few weeks, as you make yourself at home in the house of your new friend make sure you fail at anything that is normally necessary for survival (i.e. cooking, groceries, money, etc.) so that come that special thursday you are very, very hungry and dirty and not at all prepared to live for the next few months.

on thanksgiving day your indian friend will hopefully take pity on you and share their wealth of food and other necessary survival tools. at this point you should graciously eat everything they offer before sitting down in the most comfortable chair for the cowboys game (afterall...we couldn't possibly give up all our gluttonous traditions for this day).

once you awaken from your food coma approach your host, punch them in the face and tell them they obviously aren't fit to own such a home. then proceed to take the deed to your friend's home before handing them a pigeon you had shipped in from asia (which, if you play your cards right will hopefully be infected with the avian flu).

congratulations...you're a pilgrim.

i'll get over you running over me...

hermione's rapture, sunshine, and escaped convicts...

i have a cat (ok, i have two cats...but it does not make me less of a man)...she is, shall we say...portly. she if you only saw her from her front shoulders up she looks normal...but when she sits down she looks like a pear...that gut is just gross. she has become a very good friend of mine ever since some mean dog tried to eat her and i spent a couple months nursing her back to health. our favorite activity now is a good hard brushing...she is wierd about it. she likes it when i brush hard and back and forth really fast...everywhere too, her belly, her sides. you really need to see it happen sometime...she gets so damn excited and starts writhing around as if there is just too much pleasure in her, like she will just swell and burst with pure joy. then she goes searching for something to rub her head against while it's happening. maybe it only amuses me...or maybe it just makes me wish i could feel such complete happiness from such a simple thing...sometimes i can...i think i am rediscovering how.

the sun is out today...not a cloud in sight from my office window. these days are much easier to handle when they are intermixed with the lovely dreariness of a grey fall day.

apparently some death row inmate hatched a ballsy scheme to escape prison in texas and actually pulled it off. somehow he got hold of some civilian digs, ditched the orange jumpsuit and grabbed a phony id badge that showed him as working with the district attorney's office. somehow he convinced prison folks he was there on legit business and was ready to leave. just walked out into the sunshine. you have to give the guy credit...although i suppose when you are facing the death penalty...dressing up as a district attorney and just trying to walk out doesn't really seem that ballsy...what else are they going to do to you? i'm still impressed though.

i've been down, i've been around, but i've fallen on my own two feet and i've left you out to drown...

fall, justices, good and bad folks, and where did dick go?

sitting in my office this morning there is not a hint of blue in the sky...it looks cold. there is a tree in the median, a small one, with only a few holdouts clinging to its branches, the leaves right outside my window are changing and behind the building across the street there is a canopy of yellow and gold in front of a building sticking out in the distance. it almost feels like fall.

with alita being nominated i am realizing that supreme court justices and their philosophical and political views can cause quite a conundrum for folks in criminal law. although you wouldn't think it given his apparent pension for conservative political and social views...many of his dissents are actually extremely beneficial to criminal defendants. interestingly enough, scalia has the same issue...his attitude towards legislatures and the powers they actually have often manage to uphold key constitutional rights of criminal defendants. look at his writings recently on the federal sentencing guidelines...of which i know nobody else cares, but i am just that kind of dork. so i am torn when it comes to justices because those that can be socially conservative and federalist and all those "dirty" words often use that to my benefit and to uphold principles and rights that i personally feel are some of the most important ever attempted...

which brings me to my next point...looking back on my life with the help of a close friend i think i am finally seeing people everywhere along the continium. i can't think of one "good" person or one "bad" person i ever met. last summer i met a man that many would describe as a monster for things he had done, but spending time with him i didn't get the impression that he was a "bad" person...yes, he had done horrible things, but he was personable and friendly and intelligent. i guess if you deal with criminals a lot you realize that they are a lot like everyone else. and even the best people i have known have done things that make them think they are bad people...i know i have...we wouldn't be human if we didn't.

finally, what happened to dick cheney? he is definitely not the voice folks thought they were getting to whisper in gw's ear in 2000. in his stint with the elder bush as secretary of defense he was asked why the gulf war ended only with kicking saddam out of kuwait and not with the ever-popular "regime change"...his response..."once we had rounded him up and gotten rid of his government, then the question is what do you put in its place? you then have accepted responsibility for governing iraq. how many american casualties is saddam worth? and the answer is...not very damn many." care to change your answer dick? i guess you could argue that "not very damn many" means somewhere short of five figures. what happened to that guy? did his heart finish him off and leave us with a look-alike hell bent on world domination? guess september 11th brought about one hell of a "flip flop" from quite a few people.

that joke isn't funny anymore...

more jibba jabba

when did we get to the point that young girls are sold shirts that advertise degrading and objectifying messages about women? everyone's favorite "as close to kiddie porn as you can legally get" store, abercrombie & fitch, is catching hell again...this time from a group of young girls calling for them to pull shirts marketted towards them with messages such as "who needs a brain when you have these?" written across the chest. feel free to jump on the bandwagon and stop buying any of their clothes...

some big fights in the senate shaping up...closing the doors to the public, mini-scalias, threats of filibuster (as such a fun word to say...you would think we would get more of them anyways)...all the fun stuff that makes partisan politics such a disaster. so much for being a unificator huh dubya...

syria is running into some problems...a good old "go to your room" moment from the UN. they are in trouble for allegedly having a part in a political assasination...the western world isn't very comfortable with that. or at least, on that particular day they weren't. see, despite "civilized" countries having used political assasinations since time began (sometimes conveniently called a "war" or "invasion" or "regime change") they think they have set such (to steal a term from pundits) "super stare decisis" (like some decisions get a gold star for being at the front of their class) that it is unquestionably against custom and has so widely been condemned (despite it's not exactly infrequent use) that the west deems it part of natural law at this point. i am not a fan of political assasinations, or any assasinations or killing for that matter...but i fail to see why some should be punished for firing a couple shots to kill one man while others do the same to thousands in order to maybe kill one man for political reasons.

and yes, i do think saddam needed to go (although there are plenty of western corporations that had quite a nice business going with him)...i think a lot of leaders around the world probably need to go, not all of them governing lands that most americans would struggle to know anything about...but i really can't think of an effective way to accomplish that without more suffering...maybe it is just part of the course of history...but that is too depressing...we should be able to do something...but what?

the other night a friend asked me who i was, because i was not the person she knew...well...she's right, i'm not the person she knew. i am just figuring it out myself...so if i seem strange to you...well, i am.

what does it mean to be so sad?