rules of dress from the best-dressed lawyer in new mexico...

watching the debate last night...one thing that I (sadly) could not get from my mind was how inappropriate Mitt Romney's take on american trad was for the occasion...and not solely because the god-awful pooling of his pants above his shoes.  and when a guy like Romney blows dressing for his first presidential debate, it is little wonder that professionals of the greatest state in the southwest often struggle with appropriate dress, and even less wonder that the idiots on HuffPost live were (gasp) wearing suit jackets with jeans.  so, for the benefit of all mankind, and womankind's eyes, I present you...HCIC's rules for appropriate suit and dress attire...

1.  find a good tailor...love him, please him and trust him.  there is a reason he's been fitting men's suits for decades.  if you are in Albuquerque...he can be found at the Tailorite - his name is Duc.

2.  if you only have one suit, it must be solid navy or charcoal.  this is not negotiable.

3.  solid black is for formal occasions and funerals.  walk right, and this is negotiable.

4.  the amount of break in your pant leg is a matter of personal style.  but know that if there is too much break and your pants pool on your shoes a-la-Romney last night or I can see an inch of your socks while you stand there...you have no style.

5.  some will tell you pleats must be accompanied by cuffs and flat front must not be accompanied by cuffs.  these men are fools.  cuff is a matter of personal style, just know why you chose what you chose.*

6.  there is an exception to rule 5.  formal attire is never cuffed.


7.  pleats vs. flat front are a matter of personal style...but please do not try to wear flat front if you're on the larger side.

8.  there is an exception to rule 7.  pleats must be worn with double-breasted jackets.

9.  the length of the jacket is a matter of personal style.  but know that, contrary to thom browne's wishes, if I can see your ass sticking out from under your jacket...you have no style.  and know that, unless you are an NBA player, if your jacket stretches below your testicles...you have no style.

10.  if your jacket collar doesn't lay flush against your shirt collar you are the suiting equivalent of the texan carrying his skis like a baby in his arms.  we all know you have no clue what you are doing.  (see Paul Ryan).

11.  yes, a jacket can be too tight.

12.  most jackets are too loose.  it isn't a blanket.  you don't need room.

13.  if you struggle with rules 10, 11 and 12, refer to rule 1.

14.  suit coats are never to be worn without the matching pants.**  this is not negotiable.  its called a sport coat.  buy one.

15.  your tie must be louder than your shirt.  this is not negotiable.

16.  do not wear a shirt darker than your jacket...unless of course the look you are going for is "boy at middle school dance."

17.  the style of knot in your tie must match the collar of your shirt.  if you do not understand, just give up and wear sweatpants.

18.  always match your leathers.  this is not negotiable.

19.  black suit...black shoes.  this is not negotiable.

20.  do not match your pocket square to your tie.  (see rule 16).

21.  everyone gets neck rolls in off-the-rack coats.  that's why god gave us tailors.  if I see a nasty one on you once or twice, we'll know you're trying to let the coat settle before having the collar dropped.  if I see it months later, we'll know you just don't care about yourself.

22.  for gods sake...pick a suit that fits in the shoulders.  if we see a shoulder dimple we assume you are a kid wearing dad's suit.

23.  yes, your tie must have a dimple.

24.  yes, that dimple must be properly placed.

24.  double-breasted will always look powerful...but only if its a 6/4.

25.  do not leave a double-breasted jacket undone, even when you sit.  this is not negotiable.

26.  two-button or three-button is a matter of personal preference.  anything more is inappropriate for most.

27.  if you're bottom button is buttoned, you best be wearing a single-button suit...if not, see rule 16.

28.  very few will notice the roll of your lapel...until you have a nice one.  there is a reason italian suits are italian suits.

29.  americans make damn good suits.  look for the "UNITE" inside the pocket.  or just buy a hickey freeman.

30.  there is no excuse to not own at least one nice suit.





* Hint - traditionally, americans have worn cuffs - both to protect their pants from weather and wear, and based on a belief that the added weight of cuffs permits a finer drape of the pant.  however, unless you are an ivy league idiot living in the northeast, trad is meaningless.  the brits love uncuffed.  the italians are all over the place.

** Hint - if it has pinstripes, it is a suit.  you look like a fool wearing that with jeans.  and people will know you are cheap.