do thanksgiving right this year...

i am sure there are many out there wondering how they will celebrate the upcoming day of giving thanks quickly approaching...and i have a suggestion...

forget about the usual getting together with family and acting like your typical american glutton and instead celebrate just like the pilgrims of old. if you are going to do it right you may need to start early (for reasons discussed below) so i suggest getting a jumpstart this weekend...the first step will be difficult if too many people decide to participate...which is one reason you may need to start early...although i suppose you can always share.

first thing to do...find yourself a friendly indian (as in descendant of those peoples that originally populated this continent tens of thousands of years ago) and move into their home. if you want to get really real with this part, try taking over their bedroom and most comfortable furniture while you are at it. over the next few weeks, as you make yourself at home in the house of your new friend make sure you fail at anything that is normally necessary for survival (i.e. cooking, groceries, money, etc.) so that come that special thursday you are very, very hungry and dirty and not at all prepared to live for the next few months.

on thanksgiving day your indian friend will hopefully take pity on you and share their wealth of food and other necessary survival tools. at this point you should graciously eat everything they offer before sitting down in the most comfortable chair for the cowboys game (afterall...we couldn't possibly give up all our gluttonous traditions for this day).

once you awaken from your food coma approach your host, punch them in the face and tell them they obviously aren't fit to own such a home. then proceed to take the deed to your friend's home before handing them a pigeon you had shipped in from asia (which, if you play your cards right will hopefully be infected with the avian flu).

congratulations...you're a pilgrim.

i'll get over you running over me...