clearing the walls of memories

the first trip to a national park...camping on the river, arriving after dark...short, crowded hikes below arches...sunset at the most famous...the hurried outlook to outlook drive through canyonlands...

the grand canyon...busloads of japanese tourists along the south rim for sunset...eating a cold dinner in the back of the subaru...struggling with the stove in the morning for tea...a late start to the rim, ignoring the warning signs and setting out for the impossible...the outcropping of red earth, the place i fell in love again...the sight of the river just below...lunch next to the creek, a quick phone call from the bottom...the grueling hike out trailing german lovers...giving up the last half of sandwich...twilight...the sprint...a shortcut through the forest brings dozens of deer...timed showers, and that painful drive home knowing what love is...

the busiest trip...the long drive in, renting gear...her being at her most beautiful in the morning...wading below the cliffs...no-you-da-ho on the hike...nearing the end, surrounded only by each other...firewood and canned dinner...walking through the pillars of bryce...homade pies at the entrance...the greatest drive home of my life...a picture at the dam, tuna for lunch...cheating at petrified forest...remembering why love is...

bouncing into chaco to the old chisolm trail...the blaring heat, the endless skies...the milky way...feeling so at home so far from anything...her mouthing off to cattle, the llamas on the side of the road...more reason to smile...

a quick break into the mountain forest...getting around the texans who know all the answers...marching out to the river only to find rain and it being the best way to spend the afternoon...taco bell for dinner...wishing she wasn't going to go...

two hours too early...carrying enormous bags through public transit...a multistate drive...listening to the waves and watching the spray by moonlight...sharing donut sticks...wishing she could always look as peaceful as she did that morning surrounded by a violent ocean...water stretching to the horizon...not wanting to leave...

the memories are off the wall now...three years...a dozen parks...countless miles watching her sleep as the scenary changes...the room grew gradually darker as the memories were folded up...the best and worst i have felt in awhile.

all these useless emotions churning 'round as i search these bare walls for a clue, and all the time the truth is flashing in my mind...that when a heart gets broken there's nothing you can do...