more things i am not...

i am not as naive as you think, nor am i as stupid...i'm reasonably clever...sometimes i have to wonder how i give that impression...if you know me you have to know i overanalyze things and i'm always looking for loopholes and missing bits.

i am not a good friend...i tend to disappear into my own world for lengthy periods of time and forget my friends...i tend to lose contact rather quickly and far too easily...it's another thing i am not proud of but can't seem to change.

i am not a morning person...unless you count the time between 12:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m.

i am not an indie boy...i tried, it didnt work for me...i like poppy stuff too much...and i dress like an old man, although i am working on that.

i am not motivated enough...i have ideas that come and are more of a flash in the pan than anything else...i never put in the effort to make anything really happen...i dont know why, i cant explain it, i just dont ever follow through.

i am not a people person...some may not agree with me...i guess i get away with it, but i like to be alone...or atleast i do right now...i mean, i have no problem talking to people and i hope i can make them feel comfortable...i just would rather be sitting on the beach by myself collecting sea shells that she will glue back together after they break, one of the greatest acts of love anyone has ever done for me.

i am not good with money...never have been, which is ironic because my parents didn't shower me with useless shit like you might expect explicitly to teach me the value of it...i am somewhat better, atleast i dont drop it all on booze anymore.

i am not much of a drinker anymore...boy was i for awhile though...i challenge anyone my size to consume the amount day in and day out that we were up to...it is sickening really.

i am not able to sleep...i blame my brain, and the weight i feel like i am carrying around...and the loneliness that inevitably accompanies the darkness of night.

i am not sure i am capable of holding this together...but then everyone needs times like these...you only grow during these times, nobody makes changes during happy, easy times...there are some doors you just got to go through alone.

i am not sure i will ever get where i want to go...i picture myself waking up and being 60 one day, and not having accomplished anything i wanted to...and being without someone...without her...it is a sad sight, but i am a damn good looking older man.

when we meet again we will be strangers...