it's all smoke and mirrors

that is kind of how i feel about myself lately...does it show?

someone told me i seem angry. i am. about what...well, i dont know. numerous things i suppose. i am angry that the government is trying to put some kids to death. i am angry the feds can never admit they screwed up and should not have thrown some poor guy in prison...but will take it to the jury just to see if they can get a conviction. i am angry that prosecutor's offices nationwide are filled with poor lawyers out to advance their own career and make a name for themselves (i.e. conviction at all costs). i am angry that presidential politics has become a glorified beauty contest, based more on smoke and mirrors than ideas and ability. i apologize if i come off as angry and mean spirited...just a lot of pent up frustration, only some of it having to do with what i share...i dont know...just youthful arrogance i suppose.

i continue to sink...i am not sure why. i'm not used to not being ok...i'm not used to questioning myself...i'm not used to feeling such disconnect from everything and everyone. i used to be capable of blind trust, i used to be capable of a sincere smile, i used to be willing and able to dance. it's a strange feeling for me...this loneliness. but it's just one of those points in life i suppose...where everything i thought i knew is put into doubt. hopefully i will come out of this rejuvenated and put in the effort to accomplish things.

i missed moment of frustration day...or whatever the hell it is called...apparently you go outside in the morning and just scream to let the frustration out. i could use that i think...i could use something...my boots are heavy.

a sad, sad day for the north side...the white sox are in the world series. chicago finally has a penant, and it makes me ill. too make matters worse, i am now forced to root for (gasp) the astros...or even worse providing a miracle...the cardinals. horrible. damn them for doing this to me.

i have a fat cat...hermione. she is so hungry she is trying to eat my elbow. she follows me around a lot now, mostly because i think she is hoping i will drop food for her. sometimes i feel like she is the only creature i have that connection with...how sad is that. cats are funny creatures...great friends though.