wish I’d shut you up inside my head - we fuckin won a big one...

I am desperately trying to leave the cynicism to the elderly and refind the piss and vinegar that pushed me to speak out and urge others to act. unfortunately, the more time goes on, the more disconnected I feel to the events signalling impending doom (dramatic, I know). maybe I have finally convinced myself that it is not real, that I am just an observer to history and allowed myself to accept (or ignore) the inevitable. maybe I've just accepted my role and gone about doing what I do best, fixing it one case at a time. but I've always been more of a grand dreamer, I've always had that arrogant streak that believes and desires little ol' me can have a much bigger and far reaching impact.

regardless, I cannot get worked up about things anymore. I still feel that twitch of anger and empathy and disgust anytime I catch any bit of the news, but it doesn't spark the same flame it used to. this frightens me, because now more than ever, this nation and this world needs those sparks in all of us to spill over into wildfires. but for whatever reason, my generation just doesn't have it in us...and history will look upon us with shame for it.

I honestly have no idea what the point of this rambling is...guess I'm just hoping that something will work, that this might help get the drive going again...that I can still believe in a system that no longer exists, and that never fully materialized anyhow.

in the meantime...this weekend I will be celebrating. after countless hours researching, writing, rewriting...after so many nights watching today become tomorrow, swallowed by the flood of papers strewn about the office...the New Mexico Supreme Court issued an opinion in State of New Mexico v. Robert Young and Reis Lopez that takes a gigantic step forward in constitutional rights. Young and Lopez were prisoners in a ridiculously poorly run state prison when a riot broke out. a guard was killed and these two gentlement were charged with capital murder. but the state only paid their lawyers about $30,000 per team.

years later, after extensive litigation, the New Mexico Supreme Court got the case for the second time - the issue being whether or not such grossly inadequate compensation for defense counsel violated the right to adequate representation of counsel. across the country, many states have done away with absurdly low compensation, but typically to the tune of a mere few thousand...we came to the court and asked them to throw out the death penalty, or force the state to compensate the attorneys appropriately. we argued that death raises the stakes to such an extent that the best of the best are required, that any mistake is unforgiveable and irrevocable, and that the constitution is necessarily at its strongest when the government wants to take your life.

in a unanimous decision, the New Mexico Supremes fired a warning shot at the legislature, ordering that unless and until the legislature comes up with an additional $200,000 per team for attorney's fees, payable at $75/hour, the death penalty cannot be sought in this case.

"Defense counsels' compensation is inadequate under the facts of this case, violating defendants' Sixth Amendment right to effective assistance of counsel. Prosecution of the death penalty is stayed unless the State makes adequate funds available for the defense. We have set the hourly rate and maximum compensation..."

it is nearly impossible to explain how huge those few lines are for civil rights at a time when they are crumbling. unless you have been involved with this or similar cases, it is extremely difficult to understand the importance of a state supreme court declaring it can, and will, set the parameters of compensation for indigent defense counsel - especially to declare that $230,000 per defendant for attorney's fees in a capital case is constitutionally required. this case is big...really...really...really big.

here's hoping this is only the beginning...

destroy the old school and the new...