the christian right's record on the ten commandments...

as the chicago tribune has uncovered yet another man executed in texas for a murder he did not commit (more on that this week), i began to consider just how poorly these people that claim to be on the in with god have followed his commandments. (and can i just say...the whole "those who will not live by the law, shall die by the law!" bit from chuck heston is a fucking riot). shall we take a look? since evangelicals and born-agains aren't too fond of the catholics...or at least they didn't used to be...i'll try and stick to the basic protestant version.

Commandment 1 - thou shalt have no other gods before me.
this is a serious problem for them right off the bat...reagan, the dub, globalization, aries (yes, the god of war), trickle-down economics. not so good here. the frighteningly exalted status of their pathetically poor leadership brings to question whether they truly only have that one god. my favorite has to be their worshiping of gods that aren't even in human form...gods like the "free market" (even if they are really, really bad at the free market thing, but they don't want to tell you that), globalization (a variation on the free market...incredibly destructive to all who are touched by it, especially the nation that pushes it in the long run), and reaganomics...quite possibly one of the most clearly historically proven failures in economic theory. i gotta go with a no on this one...0 for 1.

Commandment 2 - thou shalt not make a graven image and bow down to it for i am a jealous god and will smote your ancestors.
i was almost willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on this one...despite some questionable activity whenever a gun is in their presence...but the flag burning amendment try just put them over the edge. worshipping some cloth as if it were holy...prepare for god's wrath. 0 for 2.

Commandment 3 - thou shalt not take the lord thy god's name in vain.
although i would be willing to bet they cuss like fucking sailor's on a drunken search for whores...i'll give them this one, if only because they are falling behind quickly. 1 for 3.

Commandment 4 - remember the sabbath, don't let anyone work...i got it done in six days, you can too.
it's amusing because the sabbath has become big-time business for the christian right...what with "preachers" making their money on the weekend by milking wretched souls and spreading false interpretations about the bible. throw in the culture they promote which mandates that if you are not working yourself to death all the time you are a useless drain on society...and the fact that they will not guarantee folks a wage that would allow them to take a day off a week...i just can't do it. 1 for 4...not a good start.

Commandment 5 - honor thy mother and father.
this was another one i was originally willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on...but in examining the dub's record it appears he has no faith in the policies of his father. responding to high deficits by cutting taxes, getting involved in an occupation of iraq, etc. and given that they have christened him the next prophet...can't give them this one either. 1 for 5.

Commandment 6 - thou shalt not kill.
wow. does this one even need to be explained? a ferocious adherence to the draconion death penalty often used against wrongly judged people. the slaughter of innocents worldwide in the name of democracy and freedom...conveniently done mostly by assisting in suppressing democratic movements in countries without much freedom. assassination attempts...a desire to simply erase the middle east and all the people inhabiting it. the record here is so abysmal they lose the point they got. 0 for 6.

Commandment 7 - thou shalt not commit adultery.
as much as they liked to complain and bitch about clinton's inability to keep his dick in his pants (and so i don't get the token "you want to fuck clinton" response...i hated the man, i think he did a lot wrong and barely any good...i also think he commited perjury and violations of laws against perjury, especially by the one sworn to uphold those laws, should be taken seriously) they've pretty much shown they are just as prone to fucking around as anyone else. also...something they conveniently don't like to tell you when they bitch about their inability to make gay sex illegal...one can commit adultery and bestiality in texas without the law stepping in. no luck again. 0 for 7.

Commandment 8 - thou shalt not steal.
this one is too easy...between gouging the poor, handing out the american people's oil reserves for free, indians, etc. (shit, this list could go on forever). i think the clearest example would have to be folks like jerry falwell taking "donations" from those that cannot afford it. again, their record is so pitiful, negative points...but they are already at zero...so 0 for 8.

Commandment 9 - thou shalt not bear false witness against they neighbor.
well...they like to pray to the god of globalization...so they have to accept that the middle east would be our neighbor. fudging the intelligence on iraq...bearing false witness. then of course there is the racist lies about mexican immigrants and how they are destroying this country that fail to actually take note of the serious benefit gained. wow...i honestly thought they might do a little better than this. 0 for 9.

Commandment 10 - thou shalt not covet anything that is thy neighbors.
oil. cheap labor. oil. land for military bases. oil. need i go on? 0 for 10.

so there you have it...the fundamentalist leadership on the right has doomed us all to a good old fashioned smiting in the near future. fan-fucking-tastic.

(writers note...i have left off the uber-secret 11th commandment which is rumored to command "thou shalt destroy your home nation, bring a few others down with you, starve your neighbor, become a glutton, destroy the earth i have provided and kill off some pesky peoples with darker skin and funny accents. for this, you will be forgiven any and all transgressions against the previous ten commandments." so if that one exists...i suppose they are on the right track.)