mannish boy: the horrors of living today...

when i was a young boy, at the age of five, my mother said i was gonna be the greatest man alive...but now i'm a man, way past 21...best believe me baby, i had lots of fun...i'm a man...

saw a report this morning there are some schmucks running around (i believe florida...but i could be wrong, it may just be my natural prejudice against the state) beating homeless men with bats for no reason whatsoever. one of the homeless men died...what the fuck is wrong with people? i suppose this is a natural outcome of treating the homeless and poor in this country as subhuman. it made me think when i blew off the guy asking for change outside 7-11 this morning...felt like i was doing my little part in making the homeless feel less-than-human...not my finest hour...not a proud moment...

i'm a man, i'm a full grown man, i'm a natural born lovers man, i'm a rolling stone, i'm a hoochie coochie man...

in yet another example of disgusting good old fashioned american ingenuity and money making at it's finest a bus company is providing tours of hurricane ravaged new orleans. that's right, for only 25 dollars you can see the scene of death and destrution...the superdome, where bodies lay baking in the sun for children to play on...the streets where bloated corpses floated down. that's my idea of a vacation. and you even get to do it at ground level, unlike gw and his beloved "brownie" (who, in all fairness, was actually doing a heck of a job...just not at providing relief). ah...making money off of horror...is there anything more american than that? they are giving 3 bucks of each ticket to hurricane relief...gee, thanks.

sitting on the outside, just me and my lady...you know i make the move honey, come up to hours later...ain't that a man?

as if it isn't hard enough for women to live up to the media's ideal of beauty now they have another thing to contend with...sagging breasts brought on by workouts. my girlfriend maria has taken to trying to get more women to wear sports bras in order to stop the 135 meters of traveling up and down they do when running a mile because it causes irreversible sagging. you just can't win...if you run, your breasts sag and us pig men will not want to see them...if you don't, us pig men will think you are fat and not want to see any bit of you. i vote for no running...let your curves come back...although i must admit this pig man loves a girl in a sports bra...

the line i shoot, i will never miss...when i make love to a woman, she can't resist...all you little girls sitting out at that line, i can make love to you woman, in five minutes time...ain't that man?

bode miller apologized for telling 60 minutes he has raced drunk before and may just do it again. i really don't understand why the media got in such a hizzy over this...it's not like he skis with other racers on the course, or is driving a car or anything...and it's skiing. this is a sport that has always been built around individuals, crazy individuals, risk takers, free spirits...the gods of skiing have always been the burnout washing dishes so he/she can ski daily...are we really that uptight that we are horrified to find out a ski racer has gotten to the hill in the morning still tipsy from the night before? that's what these folks do...it's why we love them...get over it. not to mention they are sponsored by beer companies...if i'm a marketing exec at one of those miracle hangover pill companies, i'm on the phone to his agent. and to bode...bring home a gold...and do it drunk...damn the man.

i spell him, h...i...m...that mean mannish boy, i'm a full grown man, i'm a natural born lovers man, i'm a rollin stone, i'm a man child, i'm a hoochie coochie man...

speaking of olympians, everyone should be rooting for a kid from colorado this year, jeremy bloom. bloom was set to be a standout at u. of colorado in football, lightening fast, good hands...the fans and coaches loved him. problem was bloom happens to be one of the best mogul skiers in the world. well, the ncaa was having none of that...and in their back-ass-wards rules, he couldn't do both. see, the ncaa won't let any athlete take money from anyone for any sport...even if it is not the sport you compete in in college...even if you aren't on scholarship...and skiing is expensive. so to train for skiing (where he has a shot at a gold) he had to take on sponsors, just like every other skier in the world...and the ncaa told him that means you can't play football son...you need to choose. so he gave up his love of football to ski...root for this kid, if for no other reason, then to give the finger to the ncaa...

don't hurt me child...