new year - same crappy town, new me...

the turning of the calendar...inevitably the time of year you realize just how much of an ass you have been in the past...

this year was quite a trip for me...beginning to finally get to know myself. i've been an ass in the past, but i am trying to better myself. it is a difficult transition, from closed-minded, selfish, childish pig clinging to a childhood idea to where i am trying to go...and it hasn't been pretty (as i am sure a few can attest to). some have caught the brunt of it much more than others...and i am amazed they have put up with it at all to tell you the truth...but thank you.

i realized a lot about myself the last few months...realized i've gotten the mountains out of my system, realized i have not been the friend she deserved, realized i am still looking for a place that feels like home, realized i don't fit in where i thought i did, realized i don't know shit about shit, along with quite a lot of other things that are too numerous to list here...hence my things i am not lists. so in the spirit of those, here is an attempt at resolutions...things i hope to be this year...

i hope to be a better friend, more available, more understanding, better at listening...

i hope to gain control of my recent bipolar tendencies...

i hope to regain the confidence lately lacking...

i hope to make those i appreciate realize just how much they mean to me, and how much i wish
for them to succeed and be happy (whatever that may be for them)...

i hope to get out of albuquerque, or atleast have definite plans to do so in the near future...

i hope to travel to at least 5 places i have never before seen...

i hope to regain my composure...

i hope to trim down my belongings a little more so that my entire life fits in the subaru (with the passenger seat open of course)...

i hope to play with my cats more...and give them each a bath...

i hope to end my recent selfish and childish bullshit...

i hope to cut my credit card debt in half...

i hope to be more attentive with my job and put everything into it when it requires...

i hope to write an article or two...and maybe even get them published...

i hope to read atleast two books a month that i have not read before...

i hope to take atleast a day before responding when my emotions are in a whirl...

i hope be more patient, with myself and with everyone else...

i hope to stop putting dents and holes in my car...

i hope to seriously look into studying/working abroad...

i hope to find one night a week to just be with me (and maybe bacchus and hermione)...

i hope to conserve in any way i can...

i hope to avoid living up to lawyer jokes...

i hope to keep my place clean and uncluttered...

i hope to get myself back in competition shape (but i'll settle for a year removed from competition shape)...

i hope to come out of all of this a better man...

i hope to just be...

but now that i look over that...i think i'll find and replace all the "hope to" bits to "will" before adding them to the more private list...

i'll make love to you woman, in five minutes time...ain't that a man?