another day, another dollar, still no rain...

i am sitting in my office wasting time this morning (that's right, i have an office of my own...wierd). get sworn in monday, so i get to be official. please stop with the congradulations though...it makes me feel strange. it's odd, i used to think i was one of those people that liked attention (although not lately...so maybe that went out the window this year too)...but i never liked to point out things that would get me attention...i guess because i really didn't like it...or i knew, and that was enough for me. come to think of it, i always enjoyed being anonymous to all but a few select people.

speaking of a few select people, my circle has shrunk...a lot. i would put it at three now...which i guess makes it a triangle and not a circle...but i did the worst on geometry on the ACT (i hadn't had it in a year or so). but to those three...thanks.

i want to write a book...only it would end up being discombobulated (again, i can't spell...thats why a good assistant is worth their weight in gold) ramblings and rants and musings. i wouldn't even like it. maybe i am just wishing my creative side had developed more, or atleast what most people consider "creative." i think we use too narrow a definition of that word.
there has been a lot of drama going around as of late. kind of put the brakes on me pulling myself out of my own drama. there is something about being surrounded by craziness and sadness that sucks you into it. that is one thing i wish i could get back from the pre-elvis year...being able to avoid the draw that is someone else's problems.

yesterday it was cloudy all day. it never rained. i sat here and looked out at the street below and wanted so badly to go dance in the rain...maybe it was one of those "let everything bad be washed away" moments. only it never came. and now it is sunny yet again. i suppose i will miss the sun when i leave here (which cannot be soon enough)...but right now i want rain, and lots of it. i want streets turning into shallow rivers, i want mud puddles to slide around in, i want to look at her with her hair dripping and clinging to her face and see the twinkle and the smile that lets me know that it is ok, that the rain is washing away all the horrible things, all the loneliness, all the hurt...and i will get the chance to start over again.

am i right to think that there could be nothing better....?