leave me alone (random musings)

why do people think they live in my house? why do people insist on asking me questions i cannot answer even if i knew the answer? why do i have to fix things for people that wouldnt give a damn about me? why do i have to give? why can't i go back to being selfish? why couldn't i remain in blissful ignorance about myself and others? why am i so tired all the time? why can't i get back in shape? why won't people call me for an interview? why can't i go back to loving this place? why can't it be november already? why can't it ever be the right time for others when its the right time for us? why am i turning anorexic?

seriously...i just want peace and quiet for awhile for once. i think people hold on to periods in their life they shouldn't. for those of you out there wondering...this year wasn't me, the booze had to stop flowing or the waterworks wouldnt have, i wasn't happy, you weren't happy, why hold on to that misery?

is it possible to be a people person but not be able to stand having people around? i think i am there. i have decided who the few are that i want to be around and i am getting sick of the charade with the rest (did i spell that right? never was good at spelling...got a C in 4th grade). it isn't that i don't like the others, i just can't deal with it anymore. maybe it's because the friendships formed in different times and its mostly the newer ones that i feel like actually know me. either way i need to leave this town.

speaking of leaving this town...why can't i be happy staying somewhere once school is done? i guess i never was too fond of this place...only that i got to share it with her. that makes everywhere seem like the perfect location though. funny how that works...location is of utmost importance...but that location just ends up following someone around.

is possible to become less cynical with age? shouldnt i be losing piss and vinegar instead of gaining it? atleast i still resent the french for their bullshit throughout history. i can hold on to that.if we want to feel good about ourselves...why dont we take western canada? there is great skiing over there...and i hear vancouver is a hell of a town for young folks to hook up.why do women wear shoes that are uncomfortable? why do jeans cost so much fucking money? why dont i have more suits? why can't i sleep?why are you still reading this? seriously...even i gave up awhile ago.